| Location | Newark |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 01/02/2008 |
| Date of Death | 01/02/2008 |
| Visitors | 7,053 since 11/04/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
first born child to lisa hague and kristian commons and missed every single second of every day.
lola came into this world sleeping on 1st february 2008
38 weeks pregnant hospital bag in the boot of my car, nursery full of toys, pram, cot and 2 hearts
full of love ready for the grand arrival - what can go wrong, what can possibly go wrong when you
are 38 weeks pregnant....... everything!
31st Jan i had a scan at city hospital just to see why our angel hadnt grown any in the last 2 weeks
that is where my world shattered and i was told that lola didnt have a heart beat, i felt my heart
stop beating too. it was the only appointment i attended alone because i knew everything would be
ok, i didnt need anyone to be there.
Before this happend heart breaking was it raining on a saturday or realising you have left your
expensive purse on the top of your car whilst putting the shopping in and then driving off.
Heartbreaking had a whole new meaning from that point, heart breaking is telling the man you love
that his daughter isnt going to be here in 2 weeks. Heartbreaking is delivering your baby and then
to be told you cant have her to take home after 8 and a half months that your body has been her
home. Heartbreaking is looking at kristian and seeing the look of fear and dissapointment in his
eyes.
i went into natural labour that night and god decided to go a little easier on us at this point and
within 6 hours and 40 gass and air tanks later she was here. i can not begin to describe what that
feeling is like to deliver your baby into this world knowing she will never take a breath or look
into your eyes.
my best friend kellie lives in dubai and she has been a rock for me, even 5,000 miles away she
always knows what to say, i know at any point i could have said get on that flight and she would
have been on the next flight home!! thanks kel.
We decided to have a full postmortem on lola to find out exactely why we lost her, we also decided
to have her organs donated to research. if lola shares me and her dads caring characteristics she
would be happy with that choice im sure.
Then it was a case of coming home and trying to get our heads round that there would be a funeral in
a couple of weeks and the fact that we had left the hospital and left lola there :-(
The funeral went as well as your babies funeral can be but only me and her daddy attended (this
wasnt through lack of people wanting to attend i can assure you) thats the way we wanted it , the
funeral was our time to grieve and until that point i dont think we truely understood that she wasnt
coming. It hits you like a ton of bricks that the name that you have said a million times and have
been so excited about is on a white casket twice the size of a shoe box 5 days before you were due
to have her.
Where do our lives take us now, im not sure ...i would like to think that one day i will have a baby
that i am able to hold in my arms but who knows if we will ever be strong enough to do such a
thing.
I would like to thank my partner kristian for without him i would not have such a beautiful
daughter.
We love lola more than anything she is constantly in our thoughts,
A child who loses its parent is called an orphan
A man who looses his wife is called a widower
A woman who looses her husband is called a widow
However, there is no name for a parent who looses a baby
There is no word to describe such pain
mummy and daddy and everyone down here loves you sweetheart, you will never ever be forgotten!!
good night angel x x x
Results from postmortem showed that my placenta had given up and consequently not fed lola properly,
the most common cause for stillborn babies.
thank you for taking the time to read our story. x lisa and kris x
please do not leave lola gifts on this site, im not happy that this is a new feature on this site
and is made for you to feel like you are leaving her gifts. Kris and myself will make a donation to
gonetoosoon. thank you x
~*~
Please dont cry Mummy,
Your angel is right here.
Although you cannot see me,
I can see your tears.
I visit you often,
I go to work with you each day,
And when it's time to close your eyes,
On your pillow is where I lay.
I hold your hand and stroke your hair,
And whisper in your ear.
If your sad today mummy
Remember I am here.
God took me home,
This we know is true.
But you'll always be my Mummy,
Even though I'm not with you.
Daddy please don’t look so sad,
Mommy please don’t cry...
I am your little little angel,
and we will never be apart,
For every time you think of me,
Please know I'm in your heart.
~*~
All my love to you baby Lola and your Mummy and Daddy ...
xxxx
10 months
Hi baby girl,
well again another month has gone by, wont be long before its been a year and still im writing the same, it only seems like yesterday.
i never thought i could miss anyone as much as i miss you daily, it makes me laugh when people mention you and say are you ok talking about her only i dont want to remind you, as if your not 1second way from my thoughts constantly.
i think you are so cute and i miss not seeing your proper picture that i have at home. Aunty kel is ok and she always talks about you too.
i love you precious lola x x
another month
hi sweet cheeks!
cant believe its just over 9months, it feels the same every month that goes by. I wonder if one day i'll write, i cant believe its been 20years it only seems like yesterday. i sometimes wonder what you think about me and your daddy i wonder if you think we let you down in anyway, i hope not. we look at your picture everynight before we got to sleep and i say good night miss pickles and sometimes your daddy says good night miss tickles, just cos hes silly. when we look at your picture sometimes we still struggle to understand that you are our baby girl.
i feel sad at the silly things sometimes, like that i will never change your nappy or hear you cry things that i guess most mummy's take for granted.
i love you lola, how can you love someone this much .... someone that you have never touched or
got to meet. All i know is you are my world and if heaven is a real place then my last mins on earth will not be a frightening time, how can i be frightened when i will get to meet you my angel.
i wish you were here with me, safe and where i could kiss you a million times a day, instead i throw my kisses to the wind and hope that they get carried to you.
now and forever lola i love you, behave up there my little candy floss, sending you lots of kisses!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx your mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Have A Good Weekend Everyone
GOD,
*.*.*.OPENED
* ...*.*. THE WINDOWS
* * .* *.*.*.* OF HEAVEN.
.*) .*) *.*.*LOOKED AT ME
. (... *.*.*.**.*.*.*AND ASKED,
..*(...) .*.*.*.*.* **.*. *WHAT IS YOUR
* ....(...) * . * . * .* *PRAYER
* .*.. *....* (...) * .*FOR
.. *..(...). *....* .*TODAY?
.* ... *.... * *. * . * .**I
. * . * . . * . *.*. * . **ANSWERED:
__00000___00000 *.*. * .* .*GOD
_0000000_0000000. * . * .*TAKE
_0000 OOOO 00000. * . * .*CARE
__0000000000000 * . ** .*OF THE
___00000000000 * . *. * . * .*PERSON
_____0000000 * . *. * . ** *.*THAT
_______000 * . *. * * * .*.*IS
________0* . * .. ** .. * .*.*READING
. * .. ** .. * . * . * .* . *.*THIS
. * . (.. *** /) * .*.*MESSAGE
* . * ( ..(_)/ ) * * .BECAUSE
* . * (_ /|.. _) . **.* THIS PERSON IS
* . * . /___.. * . .* .*SO
. * * . * . * *SPECIAL
♥Sometimes♥
♥Sometimes when you cry no one sees your tears♥
♥When your worried no one sees your pain♥
♥When your happy no one sees your smile♥
♥When your thinking no one is about♥
♥When you want to talk no one is around♥
♥When you need a special friend♥
♥I’m always here to lend a had♥
♥No matter were you are or how far♥
♥just give me a call and i will be there♥
♥Send this to someone special♥
♥I JUST DID♥
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
its been 8 months and the pain is a million miles from gone. everday i think of you lola, you are my first daughter and the reason that i am the way i am. auntie hannah, louise, kellie, natty and tilly all miss you and love you so much, they are keeping me strong and love to talk about you all the time, auntie hannah doesnt need much persuading to part with a tear for you. when im at work i feel you with me and you keep me strong when i look at your picture everyday.
i never thought that i could feel so much pain lola, if i could go back in time i would and i would go back to the day the 1st of feb, the day i delivered you. it was such a sad day but one where i was close to you and at least if i could be there then i could make some changes to the decisions i made.
Uncle ben has seen your photo, i dont know if he thinks your the beauty queen that me and daddy think you are, but ignore him, unless its crawling around the floor of the late lounge on a saturday night then its not pleasing to his eyes!! only kidding benj! x x
you are my beautiful baby girl and everyday my body misses you and my heart still aches for you.
i love you, i love you i love you and so does your daddy (he struggles with his words sometimes) but you hear us at night before bed and you are always the topic of choice x x
Hello again
Finally i can write to you again Angel Face! i don't like this new web site Lola pops- if it isn't broken it doesn't need fixing!
I hope you're not too mad at me , its been so long. I have been trying though. Thinking of you loads Miss Pickles, i hope you're having fun up there. It was lovely to see mummy again last week, she seemed to enjoy herself. I'm sure she was blowing you kisses again when she was in the sky:)
Can you believe I'm running the Dubai Marathon next January, i'm gonna have your name printed on my t shirt in big, pink, sparkley LOLA letters to keep me going!! i think i will need lots of those good luck kisses that you blow to daddy when i'm running because its gonna be so hard- Uncle James thinks i've gone mad, maybe i have!:{ Anyway i'll keep you posted with that.
Sweet dreams Sugar lump xxxxxxxxx
Special Girl
Lola, I have been talking to your mummy today, finding out all about you. I have already seen your pretty photo, but your mummy told me much more about you and how much she and your daddy love you so much. I am completely in awe of how your mummy is coping since she had to kiss you bye bye and you must be so proud of her too, every day. You are a very special young lady; people will talk about you forever and your unspoilt beauty (just like mummy!) will be forever in people's hearts. x
A shared grief
Hi i just had to leave you a message. I read through your story and with tears streaming down my face i relived every minute of losing my little girl Hollie. She too was nearly full term, 39 weeks, those feelings of going into hospital with your bag packed, only to be told that she had gone, will never leave me. I too wanted to see her open her eyes. All your joy and longing for your new baby is taken away in the blink of an eye. Its six years down the line for me and not a day goes by when i dont think of her, so i know how hard it is for you and my heart goes out to you. I too have a tattoo with her name on. You live with the what if's and if only's, no one can ever make you feel any different. I feel your pain and wish i could make it go away for you, but i cant. I just want you to know you are not alone in your grief. Please visit my site if you get a chance, Hollie Mullane. Take care keep strong. Love and hugs Karena xxxxx
i miss you
is it possible to dream for 7months, well not a dream but a nightmare? if it is then there's still hope that i will wake up, my heart will miss a beat and i will look down in your cot pick you up and hold you close to me, kissing your head while im thanking the lord that i have woke up. i think the chances are very slim.
i love you lola, i dont understand why you are not here, do i not deserve you? have i done something so bad that i deserve this life long punishment.
i would give my life to be able to hold you right now. when you were in my tummy i did the best job i could, i would brag to people about what a good pregnant person i was. i suppose that look got took off my face on the 1st feb when i heard the words "im sorry".
i will say what i always say, and will continue to say forever. i love you darling you are my first daughter and i miss you an unmeasureable amount, my life is not full without you. i did not realise that i could ever experience so much pain and the feeling of my own heart shatter. So many people cry for me, they cry for my loss. i dont cry for me though sweet i cry for you, my babies life that was never allowed to blossom.
good night lola grace commons, i love you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
your mummy loves you!
Hello angel, i know you know this but i wanted to tell you how much i love you. i have to try and get on with my life not because im not hurting because everyday feels like my heart has been smashed to pieces. Its hard to carry on, i never held you in my arms or heard your cry but i feel like i dont know anyone better than i know you, you are a little me. you are so beautiful and the pain is so real that you are not here.
i miss you and i love you very much, when im on that airplane later ill blow you, eryn, matthew, jessica and caitlyn a big kiss. you are all missed by your mummys so much.
Dont be a bossy britchers up there cos i know you will defo be a little madam!!
all your aunties down here are desperate for a cuddle from you. one day we will be together lola, i promise you that.
love you with every ounce,
your mummy
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